Work it girl

I need to kick my butt into action and bring my grades up.
I want to push myself out there.
I should stop worrying about others opinions and live my life (within reason)
I have decided to embrace my bohemian style and way of thinking.
And lastly...I will be me.

-Dearest Lovely

All this money can't buy me a time machine.

Can't replace you with a million rings noooo
I shoulda told you what you meant to me woahh
Cause now I pay the price..

Sometimes,
life turns to crap...complete crap and we become so overwhelmed and afraid that we lose ourselves to the point were getting off the ground isn't an option.
But guess what.
it is.

And you know what the best part is?

There's nowhere to go, but UP <3

-Dearest Lovely

Darling I do.

I wanna run away for awhile, to my hometown. Just for a few days and lounge by the beach
I'd wear a dress and simple vintage shoes.
I'd read a book and gaze at the sea, wondering what it was like to live like the fishes, just keep swimming right?

I would take long walks through the forest like I used to when I was little, and remember when everything seemed whole and complete.

Just for a while, even a day.

-Dearest Lovely

This goes out to you Lisa Mary

SO.

I checked my blog today, and happened to take a look at my comments.

And to my surprise a girl I have never seen or met commented on one of my posts.

WOW.

And she said such nice things about me, things that I needed to hear.
Lisa Mary, you are a shining star. Thank you so much for saying the things you did.For sharing your opinion (which I can totally see from your perspective)
For GIVING me some confidence.
And for this moment in time, reminding me that there are still good people in this world.

Thank you <3

-Dearest Lovely

Always Remember

I. HATE. MOVING.

What a pain!

ANNNDDDD we had to down size big time. Which made me think about whats really important to me, having to choose what you love the most and what to throw away. 

Catching on?

I guess what I'm saying is...that always remember what and who you love the most and would do anything for. Because the worldly things... you just can't take to heaven. 

Never forget who's always been there.

Never forget who's loved you unconditionally.

Never forget.

-Dearest Lovely

My Place.

I learned such a good lesson today.

I.AM.SOMEBODY.

Because nobody is a nobody.

And sometimes, I KNOW we forget that.

We forget that we belong
We forget that we have worth
We forget that we all have potential to change this world
We forget that we are each beautiful.

I learned that I need to do my best to never forget that I am, me.
That there is no one else out there like me, I am the only me.
That I was brought on this earth not just because I chose too, but for a reason.
Someone on this earth needs me, I am somebody's everything.

And to whoever takes the time to read this, So are you.

We are who we are, forever and always.

And forever is a long, long time <3

-Dearest Lovely

I've decided.

That I REALLY need to just stop worrying about stuff. 

Even the stupid and petty little things that really don't matter. I also realized that it's hard to tell someone to chill when you know you'd be freaking out in the same situation. Time to walk the talk.

Maybe:

I should just start meditating erryday. I hear it helps.

Just find a quiet place to relax and file my thoughts in the right order, so I can have a moment of sanity and peace. 

Because to me, it feels like on the outside I'm fine, but on the inside? I'm a complete mess, like the little cogs and knobs that were once harmoniously revolving together like a clock have rusted, broken down, and have begun to effect my life.

That IS going to change.

-Dearest Lovely

P.S. I welcome opportunities to learn and strive to be my best and help others. Service is good for the soul.

Hmph.

Today...is...can I say a not so good day?

I discourage myself...a lot. 

And it kills me....a lot.

I have so many out going friends that just do their own thing and are just simply awesome! and the more I think about it, the more I start to realize how un-awesome I am. I DON'T LIKE IT. So some people say, "Well..that's your fault, change it for yourself." 

Because we all know how helpful THAT is. 

SORRY. 

I'm frazzled. I just see no self worth. And I don't feel so comfty just complaining on facebook, sorry follows, your just gonna hafta bear with me.

Another thought. 

I just wanna be better...because I believe that once I love myself I can love others even more, because I'm confident. But I guess that's for me to fix..

Right?

One of my friends says she wants to make a difference. And she inspires me, a lot. and makes me realize that I'll hafta make myself a better person and make changes in my life. Because to be honest...I want to make a difference too...even just once...in someones life.....just one?......please?

I MUST MAKE MY OWN PATH <3

-Dearest Lovely

Welp.

My party? 

Swimmingly smooth just like I said :]

I kina realized that i really prefer quality over quantity, I had such a good time :) 

I'd like to take a moment to thank Madi, Emilee, Alex, Garrett, Ashley, and my family for making it wonderful :)

And an extra thanks to Madi for giving me athletes foot creme :P 

NO.

I do not have athlete's foot.  Medical Anatomy.  You had to be there.

AND just like I said...I got caked in the face! 

Might as well make it a tradition at this point lol.

Ya better run for your life if you can little girl, hide your head in the sand little girl.

-Dearest Lovely

One year older and wiser too, hhhaaaappy birth-day, too you :]

I'm finally 18 :)

I'll be honest...I dont feel much different..but..still.

Brooke says "You're 18! you can buy dry ice! and  propane...and go to jail."

Which are of course my three birthdays wishes :P

Love you Brooke <3

I've gotten sooo many facebook comments!

I.FEEL.LOVED.

I'm so thankful for all the wonderful people in my life; helping me through that tough times and pushing me to do my best <3

I'm hoping this party tonight will go swimmingly smooth :]

I'll be blogging later about every detail.

EVEN

If I get caked in the face :P

Guess we'll find out!

ITS A PARTY WE CAN DANCE IF WE WANT TOO! COME ON AND PARTY LIKE THERE AIN'T  NO CURFEW!

Cause there isn't...cause I'm 18 ;)

-Dearest Lovely

People. Are. Beautiful

Ya know those people that you just see as strikingly beautiful?

Whether their famous or not?

Just how everyone is so wonderfully unique? Special? INcredible?

Here, I'll show you :]

-Dearest Lovely

we belong to the music.

hmmm.

Sometimes, I just have these little outbursts in my head, and all I see is beautiful photography, the way I would do it, the amazing quality and colors, bringing out the beauty of people in vast green fields.

Sometimes, I see all the beautiful details in the paintings and sketches i'd do. The shades of different colors to make texture, light, darkness, shapes, and so much more.

Sometimes, I see all the wonderful people I'd do makeup on. How I would bring out their eyes and extenuate their own unique features with tones and harmonious colors.

Sometimes, I see what I want.

But most of the time..... I just don't know how to get it.....

But maybe one day; I'll achieve one...... Some day.

 

-Dearest Lovely

Rain drops keep fallin on my head.

I love the rain <3

The smell.

The photography oppertunities. 

The fact that it makes the clouds gray.

The fact that it's simple, beautiful, and makes me wanna cuddle up inside a blanket.

The end.

-Dearest Lovely

College. Blehh.

 I'M FRAZZLED, MIND BOTTLED, AND GOING CRAZY.

 College is difficult.

Not only the process, but actually choosing were you're going to go.

But there's another problem..MONAYYY.

So here's my plan.

I'm gonna go to the U of U...or USU. I have no idea yet. BUT I'm going to transfer to one of the two AFTER I get my associates degree at DST. Hopefully I can get grants for my major and what not and scholarships like no other for anything I can. I want a minor in art history and a major in Diabetic Nurse or educator.

Time to start working my butt off.

Looks like I'll be milking the diabetes thing for all it's worth.

 But ya know..I'm really excited :] I want to start over and meet new people and go new places in my life..I think I'm 95% ready for that stage in my life to come! To be a new me.

I say all this like it's almost easy..but I know It'll be a hard journey. I'll have to go through a lot and work hard.

But hey, It'll be worth it. Because we all know how much fun skiing season is right? :]

It's Saturday!

Soooooooooo TODAY.

I went to Zion National Park for the first time in a lllooooonnnnggggggg time. 

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.

Madi and I hiked the narrows in freezing cold water! Guess that's what we get for going in October.

But seriously, it really was such a good experience. It was exactly what I needed, to be out in nature and just not worry about other stuff in my life. I got away, even if it was only for a few hours. 

Today was a really good day, props to Madi for takin me! Now I just have to focus on the rest of my homework....boo. 

-Dearest Lovely

P.S. I say "like" about 5 to 10 times in this lolololol

Sometimes life's intoxicating.

Well, gotta get down on Friday right? It's been such a hard few weeks. Yes, I know. All I seem to be doing lately is complaining, but I've come to think of this as my virtual therapy. A spur the moment virtual piece of paper to just explode all my messy and complicated thoughts on. 

For all the words I couldn't say. 

I am soooo ready to graduate, that whole "Starting over and beginning again" is sounding better and better with each passing month. 

It's like my life has been set in motion for good. Like now I just HAVE to keep going, almost like there's never a break, but I have hope. 

I

WILL

GET 

THROUGH 

THIS.

-Dearest Lovely

On a late note.

I

HAVE

SO

MUCH

GOING

ON.

Kina feels like the world is spinning and spinning and I'm to dizzy to get up.

I wanna be better..I wanna smile too. Why is it so hard? But I guess that's why life is a trial.

Sometimes I sit and think of all the things I'm sorry for, but that's for a later time.

But ya know what? Sometimes, I believe in six impossible things before breakfast.

-Dearest Lovely

I'll be honest

I'll be honest,

It's hard....okay, really hard.

Not to want to have someone, someone to let your know your beautiful, amazing, and someone who won't...well you know, be stupid.

Sometimes I wonder why? I wanna shut myself away in a little box at times. Do I sound dramatic yet? But seriously though, I look at the girls who always seem to have someone liking them; the ones who always have a new man on the horizon....I wonder when the last time was that I ever watched a sunset with a guy...but I digress.

ANYWAY, then there's those moments. Ya know. When the optimism sets in and your like "Men? Who cares? NOT ME,"  But let's not lie to ourselves, after awhile...we do. Everyone does. Love, the very word makes my heart ache, when? Why doesn't come faster for me! That is the question indeed. 

So really what I'm saying is that I WANT A MAN....but not really...but I do. 

See there's these things called emotions, they kind of mess with your mind; I think sometimes just to see how far they can push you. Joy. 

But once again, I digress.

-Dearest Lovely

through the trees, i will find you

hope.

hope for a little less pain.

hope for the families with no homes.

hope for help from above.

hope for compassion.

hope to keep moving forward.

        Seeing this simply breaks my heart, horror striking in more and more places, people dead or missing, homes and cities torn apart, losing everything and so much more I can hardly comprehend. But I have hope that things will start to be okay, maybe not today or tomorrow, but sometime. I cant imagine losing a loved one so quickly in a mater of days and with everything being practically gone and piled up, who knows if you'd ever find them. 

         My heart goes out to Japan and its people. But I know they have hope, hope that things will get better. Not to mention the chemical outburst from all the nuclear plants, workers going back to help and try to fix the problem. I give them props for doing the right thing. they're all going through so much when I hardly even have to worry that something like that would happen in the U.S. I hope for many things one day not just for me, but for the world.

hope for love.

hope for more happiness.

and less sadness.

hope for more life and color.

and a little less sickness and death.

hope for a better tomorrow.

Je t'aime 

-Dearest Lovely